Wow ... I haven't wrote in here in forever. It's so strange how life changes so quickly. How one mistake can seriously change the rest of your life.  I don't even understand why or how this could of happend to me. But I'm in the middle of it ...so i should just beleive it. O how hard it really is though.

I really fell in love with a boy and gave my heart to him; I really loved him more than i should and gave him my everything ..I only wanted him to be happy. It's really crazy when all you try to do is the right thing your whole life and you're in the middle of the wrong and don't even realize it.

For a split second .... I put him and his wants.. before God.....I didn't care what was right anymore..... for seriously only  a couple of days.... and then i realized i was so wrong ...and began hating myself.....  I knew i couldn't live like this ... I told him... and he walked out of my life....knowing it was better for me.........

but it's too late to be sorry ....i just shouldn't of made the mistake ......

Now i'm 3 months pregnant...........i'm going to have a baby.... and it's not going to have a father ...because he wants nothing to do with it......and i really know i screwed up

it just seems so unfair and unrealistic...how could i be pregnant ...it's like i felt like killing myself just for having sex... and i was going to move on and never do it agian....and now i can't change anything......

once was all it took

ahhh i have a headache alot............and i have to go to work in like 1.3 min..........ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhnmvnncxncx

so ummm today..............i decided i like things sometimes.........like people and stuff..........ummm i think this is a good thing...........

i really like amy shrewsberry she is my friend alot...normally only in the summer time but i hope something crazy happens and we can be friends all year long..........that would be awesome........like woah even...........i'm really bored right now .........like ham sitting out on the counter with no bread .......I would like a delicious beverage right now ...................

ummm . ya so i'm at the library with my brother right now.........he takes forever to pick out movies...........i wish i was something exciting like a pilot...or a movie star............or a rock star....or even an orange ...to be quite honest ........really just anything that i'm not now............so mabey i'm just going to go smoke a cigarette and read the bible ............like in donald miller books ..yum that sounds de~lish

Things are so beautiful once you take the time to let go. I've learned lately just to slow down, and to take deep breaths. Realizing that life isn't supposed to be some race to see who wins first. Living for God isn't about how many countries you've been to or how many people "you've" lead to the Lord. I really want purpose and direction, but until just recently I have been forgetting that i can't find those things on my own. My job now is just to relax, get into God's word and let him do the rest. If you are truley seeking God he will send you where you need to go.

I can't wait till the moon turns red

Tonight Bobbi finally came home from the boyfriends ...I hung out with her and Mark and Jake at Jake's house..........he got a hot tub! yay!